15 Runner Texts That Are Actually Hilarious.

Runner Texts Final

You already know… I’ve been at this whole ‘running’ thing for a while now.

And along the way, I’ve picked up a dozen or so cell phone numbers from Sole Sisters around the U.S. who, from time to time, feel compelled to share their raw, honest, “Oh sh*t!” truth(s) about what REALLY happens while they’re either 1) Out on the road 2) Preparing for a run or 3) Post miles.

Today, I’m sharing some of the funniest + best texts I’ve ever received. (If one of these is from you, you’ll definitely know it.) I hope you love reading them as much as I loved getting them. Enjoy!

“Damn my kids! (j/k) But seriously, don’t they know mommy’s running a MARATHON in the morning?”

“I was planning to run intervals… but then the lovely beach and free maitai called my name. Oh well.”

“Sonofa… I overslept. Will touch base this evening when wkout is done! Feel like a big fat loser! (But a well rested one…)”

“Yeah… I got nothing. Woke up in a FOUL mood & instead of sweating it out I rolled over.”

“What kind of protein powder do you use?” [I tell her] “Why did you choose that brand?” [It doesn’t give me gas.] “You get gas? OMG! I thought I was the only one who could toot my way through the finish line with one long rip to spare.”

“Bing, bang, boom! Got my sh*t in order and knocked out four miles, whoop whoop!”

“This week blows! My nutrition has been wretched. Think rum and diet coke. For dinner. I acknowledge my errors. It stops right now.”

“Apparently I squat like a mad man.” [Me: Better shoot a video so we can spy your form!] “Knowing my luck I would probably split my pants on that video.”

“I was almost your first testimonial on sharting about mile 8. ;/ It must have been that damn sunshine pushing the last of the lightning out of my a**!”

“OMG – 6 miles from home and last weekend’s Imodium is deciding it wants to work out! This may get ugly…”

“I’m fairly certain I’ve eaten enough fruit salad today that tomorrow’s 5 mile run could be interesting…”

“Um… so ever had a** crack rash? Me neither. Oh wait, who am I kidding… I do! As soon as I lowered my a** into the tub I screamed.”

“Yesterday’s penance involved Spin AND Pilates. Good God, marathon training didn’t kill me but this sh*t might!”

“My body isn’t used to running when it’s full of 3 meals. Mile 2-4 I didn’t know if I needed to puke or crap. Mile 4.5 verified I indeed needed to sh*t… luckily at a park bathroom. I most likely won’t run more than 3 miles in the evening.”

[Me: I just finished a fartlek workout.] Her: Ha! You just said the word fart. [Me: I’ve said a hell of a lot worse.]

And so it goes…

ONWARD!

Brook

P.S. If you’re brave enough, come share a hilarious text you’ve received about running. (Hey, who doesn’t love a good laugh!) www.Facebook.com/BrooksFirstMarathon    

P.S.S. Have you joined our Sole Sisterhood yet? If not, click here for the deets. (It’s free!) 

P.S.S.S  If you’re tired of feeling tired, lazy, bloated, fat or crazy – and you’re ready to say, “Sayonara!” to empty calories and, “So Long!” to bad food habits then click here to see if this ‘Runners Only’ nutrition program is right for you.

And finally, here’s what our staging area looked like pre-workout yesterday. (Open water swim + bike ride.) See what I mean? It’s like you’re moving out of your freakin’ house. 

tri staging area

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