32 [no bs] Confessions + Truths about Training for a Triathlon.

triathletes carA few weeks ago, I had dinner with a guy who had just bagged his first Ironman.

The FIRST thing I wanted to know was, “What’s the secret to simply surviving the race?” (Commit + do the work.) The second thing I asked was, “Knowing what you know now, would you do it again?” (Absolutely, yes.) And finally, I needed to know, “What was your biggest ‘Oh-sh*t-can’t-believe-I-did-that-someone-should-have-told-me’ mistake?

His answer?

Waxing his back, sack and crack ONE WEEK before the race.

(Think ingrown hairs and fire-like irritation over 140.6 long, painful miles.)

Now to be honest, personal grooming isn’t something most triathletes, (or people in general), discuss. It’s not like you can just call your Mom, (or Kona Champ Mirinda Carfrae), and ask, “Hey, got hair?” or “Should I have hair?” or “What if I don’t have hair?” or in general “WTF are you supposed to do with your hair?”

And the staff at your local bike shop is of no help either… they look for the nearest hole to crawl in when forced to discuss your ‘nether regions’.

And finally, while my tri coach is more than willing to build my training plan around my estrogen cycle, he is in NO WAY prepared to discuss hair-dos ‘down there’.

So that leaves us triathletes with a few options:

1)      Rely on Google to offer up solutions and cure our ails

2)      Reach out to other triathletes to ask what they’re doing (awkward)

3)      Experiment with wax, razors, Nair and other hair removal products/techniques and see what hurts the least.

Note:  If you want to know the system I use for managing my soft tissue area, you’ll have to call me. No need for that sh*t to be plastered all over the Internet.

Anyhoo…  this one teeny-tiny discussion about hair removal got me thinking about ALL of the things I’ve had to figure out on my own coming up through the tri ranks.

Some lessons have been easy, like: Don’t wash your swimsuit in the washer, rinse and hang. (It’ll last longer.)

Others have been expensive, like:  Don’t skimp when you buy your first road bike. (F*, I’ve put a ton of money into mine post-purchase and it still barely works for me.)

That’s why today, I’m sharing 32 of my best, no bull sh*t confessions + truths about training for a triathlon.  For one… it’ll get you off Google and help you avoid a few awkward conversations. And two… when these happen to you… (and they will)… you won’t question your sanity. Enjoy!

32 No B.S. Truths + Confessions from a Triathlete in Training

1)      You consider wearing your heart rate monitor during sex, just to ‘see’.

2)      You spend more money on tri gear than work clothes.

3)      You wear 2 – 3 exercise outfits daily and your washing machine is always on.

4)      Your training watch set you back more than a car payment.

5)      You’ve hauled your bike and trainer with you on a road trip. (See pic above, that was me last weekend!)

6)      You will wear your padded bike shorts in public and not care if it looks like you crapped your pants.

7)      You’ve secretly thought about practicing the flying dismount [off the bike] but you know you’d bust your ass or break your chicklets.

8)      You’ve experience chaffing EVERYWHERE.

9)      You have a love/hate relationship with your power meter and Garmin.

10)   You’ve purchased multiple saddles. (Bike seats)

11)   Your partner threatens divorce if you buy ONE.MORE.BIKE. (Or one more of anything, really.)

12)   You only get pedi’s the week before a race because you refuse to stand at the start line with chipped toenails.

13)   You feel a compulsive need to diet when a date with your wetsuit is looming.

14)   Everything in your life is scheduled.  (This includes training sessions as well as sex.)

15)   There are 13 different chamois creams under your bathroom sink along with a bottle of Anti Monkey Butt Powder from your girlfriend Chris who is tired of you b*tching about your Britney.

16)   You obsess over bricks workouts. (Will it hurt? How bad?)

17)   Luggage for any trip includes running gear and goggles.

18)   You carry a dozen protein bars in your gym bag, your car and your purse.

19)   You wear flip flops in the shower. (Even at home.)

20)   Your perfume of choice is scent-de-la-chlorine.

21)   You yell ‘on your left!’ while pushing your cart down the aisles at Target.

22)   Your bike + trainer are a semi-permanent part of your living room décor.

23)   You think about what it would be like to ditch the multi-sport and just run again.

24)   You hesitate to spend $275 on an airline ticket but practically throw your money at Ironman to get in on a 70.3 before it sells out.

25)   You put more miles on your bike in the summer than you do your car.

26)   You grow out your bangs to save time in transition.

27)   You’ve slept with your bike in your hotel room.

28)   You’ve created a pseudo-triathlon at the gym because the weather is crappy.

29)   You hire a running/tri coach in lieu of a therapist b/c they ‘get’ what you’re trying to do.

30)   Your friends double fist vodka, you double fist water bottles.

31)   You have a shadow box hanging somewhere in your house celebrating your bad a**ery.

32)   Your mentor tells you to get comfortable peeing on the bike and you TRY it.

Are these all of my truths and confessions?

No way. (Hey, we haven’t talk about hair, remember?)

But I do think this can be considered a pretty handy ‘wtf to expect’ checklist while taking the rest as it comes. (And hey, if you have anything to add, come on over and share and together we’ll re-write the rule book on all things tri.)

ONWARD!

Brook

P.S. I’ve missed you… thanks for letting me show up in your inbox with my shenanigans. Less than 2 months til my next half-Ironman and you’re coming with me.

P.S.S. The Sole Sisterhood is on FIRE – if you haven’t yet joined, become our newest VIP member here. (And get some awesome digital running swag to boot!)

P.S.S.S. If you or someone you know is training for their first marathon, you may want to snag a copy of my book ONWARD! The Absolute, No b.s., Raw, Ridiculous, Soul-Stirring Truth About Training For Your First Marathon here. I promise, it’s got more truth + confessions + b.s. than anyone should share in a lifetime. xo

And finally… I saw this and it made me think of you: 

Happy Sign 4.16.15

 

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