It’s Not If, It’s When.

Midas trail 5.23.13

I haven’t run in almost a week.

Last Thursday, while walking Midas, I took a full-on digger. There’s no other way to say it…I beat the hell out of myself. My left knee is sporting a bruise (and a scab!) the size of Texas. And, while there are no visible marks on my elbow, for the love of all things holy, it sure feels like it’s freakin’ broken. 

I’m not yet sure how I feel about this.

On one hand, I am loving the rest. Seriously, who wouldn’t dig an easy hike or stroll vs. a 4-6 mile, pre-6 a.m., pounding of all things pavement? (The pic is my hike this morning.)

On the other hand, I’m wondering just how stinkin’ fast I’m going to lose my “base.”

My fear of losing my hard-earned endurance prompted a quick online search for answers. Here’s what I found:

  • Within one to two weeks of stopping exercise, changes can already be seen in cardiovascular fitness. (Oh f*.)
  • Decreases in strength don’t happen as quickly as decreases in cardiovascular endurance. (So my monster pipes are in the clear — thank you Jesus.)
  • It takes longer to gain fitness than it does to lose fitness. (Really?  You’re kidding. This can’t possibly be true. Who said this? lol.)

I think it’s safe to say I’m no longer in marathon shape. (I haven’t put up a double digit # for 3 weeks.) That said, my fingers and toes are crossed that I’ll make the starting line of my next half-marathon scheduled this Saturday.

My self-inflicted road wound led to a hilarious discussion with hubs. As he’s a marathoner too, I asked him to brainstorm with me all the crazy, horrible, ridiculous, mind-blowing sh*t that WILL happen if you run long enough. We came up with a list of 10 things we absolutely believe to be true:

BK and Hubs Top 10 Not Ifs, But Whens

  1. It’s not IF you will chafe. It’s WHEN. (And only God knows where…until he lets you in on it.)
  2. It’s not IF you will bust your a**. (Fall.) I guaranfreakintee it’s WHEN.
  3. It’s not IF you will buy a mean-spirited IT Band Foam Roller. It’s freakin’ WHEN.
  4. It’s not IF you will “call” a long run. It’s positively WHEN.
  5. It’s not IF ice will be your new  BFF. It’s undeniably WHEN.
  6. It’s not IF you will be chased and/or bit by an animal. It’s apparently WHEN. (Yes…I was bit by a 3 pound dog. Ridiculous.)
  7. It’s not IF you will need your sh*t shoved back into alignment by a chiropractor. It’s undoubtedly WHEN.
  8. It’s not IF you will sign up for another race. Sorry peeps…it’s totally WHEN.
  9. It’s absolutely not IF you will need a bathroom on a long run. It’s incontestably WHEN.
  10. And this one is for the guys. Hubs says, “It’s not IF your nipples will bleed. It’s WHEN.

Today I’m celebrating knowledge, now knowing and no longer wondering just what the hell WILL happen.



P.S. I know YOU can add to this list — come on over and fill in the blanks: It’s not IF you will __________. It’s positively, undeniably, WHEN. I can’t wait to hear what you think! 

P.P.S. Secretly, a small part of me is positive there is a higher power forcing me to rest. But make no mistake –I’m all kinds of peeved that this aforementioned “higher power” didn’t consult with me on the timeline. For cryin’ out loud…I can can hardly stand to rest, let alone have this sh*t forced upon me.

P.P.S.S. My good friend Diane came over for dinner — Midas was the welcoming committee. It’s not IF my dog will slobber on you. It’s a guaranteed when. XOXO

Midas and Diane

One Response to It’s Not If, It’s When.

  1. Nikki Feroni June 13, 2013 at 2:02 am #

    I’m nominating the sweat zit. The doozey kind. The Unpreventable-If-You-Own-Sweat-Glands-And-Run kind. It’s definitely not a question of IF you’ll grow one, it’s a WHEN – and, unforch, a WHERE.

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