Sh*t Non-Runners Say.

Non-Runners Say blog

I’ve only been running for a few years.

Prior to becoming a self-proclaimed road rockin’ warrior, I was a full-on schlepper. Which means I WALKED my a** around my neighborhood every morning, in my fat man pants no less, and thought that was more than plenty. (And hey, there’s no shame in schlepping. I freakin’ love, love, love to walk.)

Anyhoo…

A few weeks before I ran my first marathon, I was chatting up my Mom. (I need to preface what I’m about to tell you by saying I totally *love* my mother. She’s one of my favorite people on the planet. But folks, she’s NOT a runner.)

She asked if I planned to keep running after the marathon.

My reply? “I honestly don’t know, Mom.”

She said, “You know…all that exercise is going to give you arthritis.” And I’m like, “What? Are you f*ing kidding me?” She came back with, “Brook, it can’t be good for you to beat the hell out of yourself. I’m sure you are, at the very least, destroying your knees. You probably won’t be able to walk when you’re old.”

I remember chewing on her words for a long time after we hung up. (I also shook my head in total bewilderment.) I have no idea if what she said is true or not. The only conclusion I’ve been able to draw is that non-runners have all sorts of outlandish, ridiculous thoughts, theories and ideas about what running is…and what it’s sooo NOT.

This got me thinking about other crazy sh*t non-runners say.

Here’s where I get honest. In secret, (for the last few weeks), I’ve been writing down every hilarious comment that has made its way out of someone’s mouth. Listen, if you’re NOT a runner, so freakin’ what. I love you anyways. But some of this stuff is complete bull sh*t and nothing short of hysterical. 

BKs Top 10 List of Crazy Sh*t Non-Runners Say
  1. “Run Forrest, RUN!” (Seriously?)
  2. What’s the difference between a marathon and a full marathon?
  3. 26.2 miles? I don’t even like to drive that far. (Honestly, me neither.)
  4. You’re way too fit. And you have NO boobs. (Can you be TOO fit? The boob bit is true.)
  5. Aren’t you afraid your uterus will fall out? (Um…yes. Absofreakinlutely.)
  6. That sh*t is soooooo hard on your knees.
  7. I’d be happy to follow you…in my CAR.
  8. The only way I’d run is if I was being chased. (This one is tired…please, for the love of all things holy, let it go.)
  9. How far is a marathon? Oh! Then how far is a half-marathon?
  10. How far is your marathon this weekend? Will you win? (Yes, I will blast by 84 Kenyans all vying for first place. Just watch this white girl fly.)

And here are a few bonuses:

  • You could probably get the same running shoes at Wal-mart for way cheaper.
  • Oh…you’re a runner? I don’t run anymore, but ran a sub 4 min/mile in high school. (No, you didn’t.)
  • How far is the marathon this time?

To be fair, I know very little about any other sport. I’m serious…if you forced me to watch a football game, soccer, volleyball, baseball, swimming, et. al, I’d be way the freak out of my league. So please, if the roles are reversed, have some mercy. 

I shared this list for two reasons:

1) So we runners could get a good chuckle; and 2) So non-runners will now know what not to say. 

ONWARD!

Brook

P.S. This list is nowhere near complete…what else have non-runners said that totally cracked you up? Come on over and share! www.Facebook.com/BrooksFirstMarathon.

P.P.S. My good friend and author Shirley Showalter interviewed me on her blog last week. If you want the uncensored version of the story behind THIS story, click here to take a peek

P.P.S.S. Here’s what I had for breakfast this morning. The recipe came from one of the amazing women in my 100 Days of Sole Challenge. If you’re ready to experience the power and velocity of having other women cheer for YOU (okay…and if you want a few kick a** smoothie recipes, too!) click here to get in on the action!

choc smoothie

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10 Responses to Sh*t Non-Runners Say.

  1. Amanda Lang June 25, 2013 at 4:33 pm #

    This SOOO cracked me up! I was just telling my husband who it pisses me off when people are cheering for you at say Ohh mile 8/9 and tell you to “keep it up your almost there!” Umm really? I have 5 frickin miles left I am not “almost there” I know they are trying to be supportive but let’s face it that’s NOT what you want to hear in the midst of a Marathon or a half. and LOVE (not really) the “how far is the half marathon question!!!!!

    • Brook June 26, 2013 at 12:05 am #

      I’m so with you Amanda…unless I’m 30 paces from the finish line, no one better be hollering that at me. 🙂 And hell, sometimes that doesn’t even feel like almost freakin’ there. Thanks for sharing YOUR humor! –BK

  2. shirleyhs June 25, 2013 at 6:49 pm #

    This was hilarious, Brook. You really have found your purpose in life through running. You are making us laugh and inspiring us at the same time. Pretty cool trick.

    • Brook June 26, 2013 at 12:06 am #

      Shirley — thanks. And thank YOU for inspiring others to get out of their comfort zone and do something new each day. You are changing the world my friend! (((BIG HUGS)))

  3. slowrunnersexcursion June 26, 2013 at 1:32 pm #

    Well, done! You definitely got a crack out of me. 🙂 Number 10 is very frequently used by my parents b/c I won a lot of 400m races in high school. And then when I say, “No, I will not win the marathon”, the response is, “oh” and act as though you are the slowest being ever! lol. I have gotten use to the “Run Forrest, Run”, although I have not heard it in quite some time. Hopefully someone will say it during my next long run so that I can have a good chuckle!

    Great article! haha

  4. Carrie June 26, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    Oh, that’s the worst- “You’re almost there!” Liars!! Loved this list. My mom sounds just like your mom. She’s always telling me, “You’re going to destroy your knees!!” THIS coming from the woman who never ran a day in her life and just had a knee replacement.

  5. K in Tokyo June 26, 2013 at 10:33 pm #

    Thanks for your post!

    Comment that most annoys me:
    “How long did it take you to finish your marathon?”
    “Oh… is thata good finish time?”

  6. Kayla Kroll (@KaylaKroll1) June 26, 2013 at 10:40 pm #

    Just to let you know, running probably does your knees more good than bad. As long as you’re gradually building your intensity, the demands you’re placing on your knees actually make them stronger, not weaker. So you’ll have stronger bones in your knees, hips, and ankles as a result.

  7. Amanda July 9, 2013 at 11:31 pm #

    These were great!! I loved your comment on the last one when asked if you were gonna win the marathon! Bahahahahha!!

    My annoyance is when someone yells out at the 1 mile mark during the race that you only have 25 miles left. Really?? Do you want punched in the face???
    My biggest annoyance is ‘cat-calling’. Really??? Why don’t you come join me on this 15 mile run since you think I’m so hot!!

  8. BMart August 1, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    My favorite; “Oh, you ONLY did a half” like it’s something everyone can just hop up off the couch & knock out.

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