I’ve only been running for a few years.
Prior to becoming a self-proclaimed road rockin’ warrior, I was a full-on schlepper. Which means I WALKED my a** around my neighborhood every morning, in my fat man pants no less, and thought that was more than plenty. (And hey, there’s no shame in schlepping. I freakin’ love, love, love to walk.)
A few weeks before I ran my first marathon, I was chatting up my Mom. (I need to preface what I’m about to tell you by saying I totally *love* my mother. She’s one of my favorite people on the planet. But folks, she’s NOT a runner.)
She asked if I planned to keep running after the marathon.
My reply? “I honestly don’t know, Mom.”
She said, “You know…all that exercise is going to give you arthritis.” And I’m like, “What? Are you f*ing kidding me?” She came back with, “Brook, it can’t be good for you to beat the hell out of yourself. I’m sure you are, at the very least, destroying your knees. You probably won’t be able to walk when you’re old.”
I remember chewing on her words for a long time after we hung up. (I also shook my head in total bewilderment.) I have no idea if what she said is true or not. The only conclusion I’ve been able to draw is that non-runners have all sorts of outlandish, ridiculous thoughts, theories and ideas about what running is…and what it’s sooo NOT.
This got me thinking about other crazy sh*t non-runners say.
Here’s where I get honest. In secret, (for the last few weeks), I’ve been writing down every hilarious comment that has made its way out of someone’s mouth. Listen, if you’re NOT a runner, so freakin’ what. I love you anyways. But some of this stuff is complete bull sh*t and nothing short of hysterical.
BKs Top 10 List of Crazy Sh*t Non-Runners Say
- “Run Forrest, RUN!” (Seriously?)
- What’s the difference between a marathon and a full marathon?
- 26.2 miles? I don’t even like to drive that far. (Honestly, me neither.)
- You’re way too fit. And you have NO boobs. (Can you be TOO fit? The boob bit is true.)
- Aren’t you afraid your uterus will fall out? (Um…yes. Absofreakinlutely.)
- That sh*t is soooooo hard on your knees.
- I’d be happy to follow you…in my CAR.
- The only way I’d run is if I was being chased. (This one is tired…please, for the love of all things holy, let it go.)
- How far is a marathon? Oh! Then how far is a half-marathon?
- How far is your marathon this weekend? Will you win? (Yes, I will blast by 84 Kenyans all vying for first place. Just watch this white girl fly.)
And here are a few bonuses:
- You could probably get the same running shoes at Wal-mart for way cheaper.
- Oh…you’re a runner? I don’t run anymore, but ran a sub 4 min/mile in high school. (No, you didn’t.)
- How far is the marathon this time?
To be fair, I know very little about any other sport. I’m serious…if you forced me to watch a football game, soccer, volleyball, baseball, swimming, et. al, I’d be way the freak out of my league. So please, if the roles are reversed, have some mercy.
I shared this list for two reasons:
1) So we runners could get a good chuckle; and 2) So non-runners will now know what not to say.
P.S. This list is nowhere near complete…what else have non-runners said that totally cracked you up? Come on over and share! www.Facebook.com/BrooksFirstMarathon.
P.P.S.S. Here’s what I had for breakfast this morning. The recipe came from one of the amazing women in my 100 Days of Sole Challenge. If you’re ready to experience the power and velocity of having other women cheer for YOU (okay…and if you want a few kick a** smoothie recipes, too!) click here to get in on the action!